More on Emotions

I wrote about “self-regulation of emotionality” in the blog entry that addressed differentiation. It is an important piece and I want to talk about it more to answer some questions that came up. What I write here may appear over-simplified as far as the brain science is concerned. For that, I apologize. There are many books written on the subject, should you find the need for in-depth information.

A friend of mine spent some good time trying to explain to me that feelings and emotions are synonymous, and that it was an exercise in semantics to make a distinction between the two. My response was that it may be true for everyday English, but, from the standpoint of physiology, they are not quite the same.

Let’s just say that most of us experience the environment through our five senses and, perhaps, that impalpable “sixth” sense of intuition or “deeper knowing.” This is what we “feel” physiologically. Whatever we sense via our vision, hearing, taste, smell and touch comes into the brain and gets processed by the limbic system, whose job it is to color that sensory input with emotions. After a hot drink is spilled on your arm, you may feel the pain first, and then the emotions of anger or fear will follow as you become angry with the person who spilled the coffee and start being concerned about the possible damage to your skin.

Interestingly, the limbic system (also known as the “reptilian brain”) of our brains never “grows up” and that is why we may react to a situation in a childish way even as we are well into our middle age. The reaction of the limbic system is automatic. It is our thinking brain that enables us to purposely select a response to a sensory input. We are “feeling creatures that think”, not “thinking creatures that feel.”

Self-regulation of emotionality is essentially using our thinking brain to choose an appropriate response to a sensory stream of information. The trouble stems from the fact that our thinking brain is composed of innumerable and complex networks of neurons that were created by the sum total of our past experiences, which, of course, include our upbringing and education. This is what I call “programming” and it is largely responsible for how we deal with our emotions.

To be able to regulate how we experience our emotions, we need additional programming. We can acquire that new programming by learning to see the raw sensory data even as our limbic systems assign emotions to them. Seeing that original information, untainted by affects, is seeing “what is” on a mental level. Once we become aware of the stimuli that caused the emotion, we can choose the required action to maintain our sense of self and not get lost in the situation.

Accomplishing this takes a bit of practice. We need to learn to slow down even as we want to react to an emotion. We need to take some fraction of a second and become aware of what we sensed and then pick a response that is appropriate to the situation and the one that will help us go in the direction we desire. At first, it seems like a complicated, lengthy and cumbersome process. In time, it becomes so quick that no one will ever notice the slightest pause.

Well worth the work…