Be nice!

I see people everywhere, being nice to others, smiling big toothy smiles, doing things they were asked to do.  But what is being nice?  

Usually, what I see is a fake front to cover up whatever emotion resides inside.  I see fake smiles used to conceal anything from being uncomfortable with silence to an outright lie.  I see people “being nice” because of some fear; starting with the fear of breaking a prescribed social norm and ending with the fear of some retribution.  I hear shallow laughs coming out of peoples throats, not bellies, and all they serve to do is to maintain an acceptable convention of a civil acquiescence.

It is useful to remember that our "unconventional" brothers and sisters can read fake smiles and see through disingenuous “being nice.”  We want real stuff.  Just being nice gets us nowhere.  We don’t want to be nice and we don’t want others to be nice to us.  We are comfortable with long pauses in conversation.  We find no need for giggles to fill the space.  We find no need for fake smiles, because we are not afraid of what we feel and equally not afraid to let that show.  We know that to feel is human and to repress our feelings is yet another way to be society’s automaton, yet another cog in the machine.

How’s real different from being nice?  Real is when we do something for someone, we include a piece of our loving nature with it.  We do it with willingness that reflects our intent and intention to serve something or someone  beyond ourselves. We laugh when we hear something funny and that laughter comes from our bellies.  We smile when we’re happy and our eyes squint uncontrollably.  

Just doing something to gain someone’s favor or avoid someone’s displeasure has its place.  Passing a fake smile for a real one can be useful.  Those are forms of lying and we need to do that well and infrequently. If you’re going to be fake, learn how to do it without being discovered.  Study it and it will become an indispensable tool.  Doing it poorly is not our way.  

Nurturing is real.  Nurturing is a natural outflow of gratitude, affection and caring.  There is no “blueprint” or a flow chart for nurturing.  It is an organic understanding of the energy flow; it transcends reasoning as it is a matter of feeling what another person needs.  We don’t ask what has to be done, we develop the senses of intuition and compassion, and the course of action reveals itself to us.

To nurture is to see that another is not separate from you.  To nurture is to understand that the energy must complete its circular path in order to continue its flow.  To nurture is to connect and stay connected.  To nurture is to love in an unconditioned way (not unconditional!), to love in the way that you and only you can love.  To nurture is to express that love through action.

When we nurture, we humbly request to be supported, just as when we support we humbly request to be nurtured.  The cycle never ends, it only expands, and its circular flow is extended into a spiral, which is the fundamental shape of life itself. 

To live fully, to live “real”, is to nurture and to support.