Unconventional in a Conventional World Part 4: Control

For the most part, conventional people live within a structure that has been imposed on them. It is very rare that a person will consciously choose to live within a rigid belief system unless that system has already been installed in him/her at some previous time.

Because they live in an imposed world, they are rarely differentiated and rarely have a sense of themselves. They are rarely aware of their own energy. But, everyone needs energy. So, even if you don’t know how to release or generate your own energy, you still need to get it somewhere, right? The easiest way is to get it from other people.

That is the essence of control from the energetic perspective. If you control another person, you take his energy. The more energy you take, the more powerful you feel. Most of this happens unconsciously, done by a “program” that was installed early in life. Almost all people seek control of others, and it takes conscious, disciplined training to do otherwise.

As you work on your differentiation, you will need to start to recognize when people are attempting to control you. I will describe four basic control tactics that will likely cover 80% of the cases. Two of them are aggressive and two of them are passive.

The most aggressive tactic is the “intimidation.” It works on the basis of creating a fear for safety, either emotional or physical. Because the words are just as powerful as the fists, most intimidation happens without any physical contact or harm. Once the person is afraid, he gives up his energy to the intimidator.

The next tactic is the “interrogation.” This is a tactic of asking a question in order to criticize the answer. Criticizing makes the person feel small, insignificant, stupid, or unworthy. Once a person feels that way, his energy goes to the interrogator.

The third tactic is “withdrawal.” This is where a person distances himself and waits for the other to make the first move. The person who reaches into the “withdrawal” gives up his energy. This is a passive tactic, but is very effective and is very commonly used.

The fourth method is the “victim.” The person will play the victim role and appeal to the mercy of another, or will use the “guilt trip” in order to gain the energy. ("Guilt trip" is when you make the other person feel guilty for what they have done or are doing.)

In order to recognize when others want to control you, you need to see how you try to control others. What do you think your tactic is?