Sex is Evil

"If you don’t attach beliefs to it, sex is just like breathing or walking.  It is beauty, it’s you.  But when you go into it seeking things like satisfaction, ecstasy, intimacy, connectedness, and romance, don’t count on finding them.” Byron Katie

It seems that one of the great conventions of our society is that “sex is evil.”  We deal with it day in and day out.  Sex is something that is dirty, should not be talked about, should be done only in private.  Sex is equated to violence, abuse and harassment. Sex is something to “save for till you’re in love” or to abstain from altogether.  Sex is the cause of incurable infections, of family dramas, sex is the ruin of a political career. It is the manifestation of Lucifer himself.

When I hear the word “evil”, I don’t think of the antithesis of “good.”  I think of the word “harm.”  Harm, as in physical and emotional trauma.  The kind of intentional harm that is meant to destroy or dismantle.  Evil is intentional harm.

Causing harm with intention equates to the assertion of power over another individual.  And the harmful assertion of power through sex is common, indeed.  Invitations to that are everywhere.  Our society has many avenues of propagating the notion that sex equals power.  We use thinly veiled messages and images on billboards, risqué themes in the TV shows, sexual violence in the movies, alluring pictures in the magazines and on the thousands of websites with explicit content. Our language is replete with phrases like “win the girl”, “make me love you” and “got him to buy the ring."

But what if sex isn’t about power over another?  It could be a social method for diffusing stress and keeping the peace in the community, like the bonobos, our closest primate relatives, are so good at doing.  It could be about pure physical pleasure. Or it could be about creating a special connection with other people or be yet another way to experience a close friend.  

Consider a very high probability of sex being as innate and natural as walking. Do we exert power by breathing or walking? If we do, it is so infrequent that no one bothered to put in on the evening news.  But, we share the air that we breathe and the space we walk through.  We can synchronize our breathing and we can match our strides. It is also our privilege to do that with sex.

We can dispense with the convention that sex is “evil.”  Or, at best, that it is an act of seduction, procreation or a mechanical function.  We can learn to see it as an outflow of the birthright of our sexuality, which is no less amazing that being bipedal.  We can accept the fact that sensual pleasure we experience from sex is essential, and we can do it with grace, timing and rhythm.  We can learn to see that the physicality of sex is only the beginning and that the potential experiences we can create beyond the five senses are without limit.  

Without a change in our perception of sex, we will continue to suppress it and hide it where it cannot be seen.  Yet, we will continue to associate it with unchecked power that brings harm.

Of course, the standard narrative has it that sex is for procreation.  Many choose to believe that because it is easier to give away your power to a perceived greater authority than to claim it.  The simple observation, even without any scientific methodology, will show us that sex for procreation is but a minute fraction of our total sexual activity.

We can learn to see that sex can be a source of power, but of a different kind.  The power that isn’t limited to propagation of our species, but the boundless creative power for artistic expression and spirituality. Perhaps even the power to engender a shift in our social structure.  And why not?